Journey 1: Peleo diet. Today, Dec 11, is day 11 of my journey into peleo eating. Since joining CrossFit St Pete, I've been reading about Peleo, researching and even prepping my pantry. I decided on 1 Dec as a good start date since it was after the family's big Thanksgiving feast. The good part, too, is that since Darwyn killed and packaged 6 or 7 deer during this year's season, we have a freezer practically overflowing with venison! Yum! Turning to a peleo diet means fewer carbs and more protein and, of course, more fresh fruits and veggies. The high protein aspect I figured would be pretty easy, but by cutting out so much sugar/starches, you really have to keep up with plenty of fresh fruits and veggies!! I'm excited about a cookbook I found on Amazon: Gluten-free, Almond flour cookbook. It's great! I can make muffins, pancakes, even cookies and cakes, all without a hint of wheat flour! It's awesome! Levi and Darwyn both enjoyed our gluten-free pancakes this morning!
So, by day 11, I'm getting more accustomed to the diet and what to eat/not eat. I'm feeling better. It's best, of course, to keep the "bad" foods OUT of the house altoghether, but while I didn't want to simply throw away all that stuff in the pantry, Darwyn and Levi are still eating noodles, etc. Another service that has come to be VERY handy is Amy's Fresh (amysfresh.com) produce delivery service. It saves me the hastle of going to the market or grocery and is delivered to my door every Monday! Love it! Otherwise, without having to go searching all over St Pete, I've been able to find pretty much everything else (almond flour, coconut oil, coconut flakes, arrowroot powder, agave nectar, etc.) on Amazon.com! I love Amazon Prime and their free 2-day shipping!
Journey 2: Pregnancy #4. This part is hard to talk about. I want to be really, really excited at the idea of a new baby, but... well, let's just say that until we get past the weeks when we lost the other two (weeks 10 and 11), I won't allow myself to get too excited... or even too attached just yet. It sounds horrible, I know, but after suffering two losses, well, I guess I don't want to get too attached until we know that this one "sticks." Of course I'm already attached. You don't get a positive home pregnancy test and not feel some attachment to that new life growing inside you. Even if you were planning an abortion, almost all mothers feel some attachment to their unborn.
For me, the peleo goes hand-in-hand with this pregnancy. Even before I got pregnant, I was prepping the pantry and researching system cleanses, and so on. I was looking at all sorts of ways to be healthier. It just so happened that the time to start was NOW! I figure whatever I cut out of my diet certainly won't do me or the baby any harm, it can only be beneficial. So if I get healthier and feel better by not eating wheat/grains, then it can be only that much more beneficial to me and the baby. I'm not really missing out on anything. I'm still debating whether to go completely non-dairy or if I want to try to somehow incorporate raw dairy into my family's diet, but that will come.
I suppose I could add a third Journey to this list, and call it my non-running journey! LOL! For someone who has identified herself as a runner for the past two years, the idea of NOT running does feel rather strange. I just have to say that after my last half marathon experience on 6 November, I simply didn't feel like running. Part of the reason was being at my mom's house in IL. They live in the country and to run, I have to drive a few miles; but it seemed I was much more motivated to drive to the crossfit gym to get a workout rather than go drudging along all alone. So right now my running is in limbo. I know that I basically enjoy running, but I've accepted the fact that maybe I just need to take a break. Maybe this pregnancy is telling me to take it easy, and since running is kinda hard on the body, it's just better for me to take a break.
So here I am, not running, feeling very pregnant already (the queasiness just won't go away and my pants are already getting tighter!), but feeling pretty good about my eating especially since I've lost almost 2 pounds from my weigh-in at the doc's office last Tuesday!
These Journies are well underway!! :)
My Life
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
It's been a while (friend's miscarriage got me to thinking)
I can't believe it's been a year since my last post. That's actually rather sad. There's been so much that I could have written about. Nonetheless, here I am... finally.
For the first time tonight is quite some time, Levi was asleep before 9.30p. For the first time is quite some time, I finally had some evening time to myself! I'm not quite sure why I relish this time so much or why I miss it so dreadfully when I don't get it, but I do. I get some time to myself during the day when he's napping, but I guess there's just something about knowing he'll wake up at any moment that is inhibiting. At night, I have at least until midnight before he stirs :)
So what have I to say that's been brewing over the past several months?
I admit that I had to take some time away from the rest of the world for several months after we suffered a second miscarriage last October. The first one was tragic and especially heart-wrenching especially because we lost our beloved Freckles on the same day we discovered we'd lost the baby.
There is awkward comfort however in the statistics of miscarriage. Most research shows that 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and that 30-50% of fertilized eggs are lost early enough that a period happens at about the expected time. Why? Most of the time there is no known cause. That is to say that 50-80% are considered to be "random." I'm not exactly sure what that means except to say that something was obviously not quite right and the baby didn't continue to develop. Sadly 60-70% of women miscarry at least once. All those numbers indicate that miscarriage is common and therefore "not a big deal." You'll have to excuse me for a moment because miscarriage is a friggin' big deal! You will recover, but you have to allow yourself to grieve and mourn. You lost a baby! It hurts! Your body feels broken when it's all said and done, but your heart is definitely broken, too.
I recovered from the first miscarriage fairly well, but the second was a very, serious blow to my person! I know the Lord doesn't allow us to deal with more than we can handle, and I know I'm a stronger person now with a sympathy to share with other women. I think I was as close to being clinically depressed as I've been in my entire life. I was basically just sad and had to deal with that. Thankfully, I have a loving family that propped me up during that time. We, fortunately, took our yearly deer hunting trip to IL just after our second loss. It was very important for me that I wasn't in my usual world but was away from FL and with my family. Levi continued to be my joy in dealing with such a loss.
I had to take time away from the way things had been and simply focus on me for a while. I didn't want to think about my cycle or how many normal cycles I'd had or when we could "try" again. I didn't even want to deal with anything baby. I had been in the middle or actually almost finished with my Application for La Leche League Leadership but had to take a few months away from even that before I was able to focus and write anything again. I took time and started running again. I signed up for a couple half-marathons to give me something to work toward. For a while, I even thought I might train for a full marathon. I just had to take a few months off.
I ran and ran and ran! I completed my first ever 15k race at Gasparilla in February. I completed my first half-marathon, Florida Beaches Halfathon, at Ft DeSoto on the 20th of March. It was hard but amazing! I finished my second half-marathon, the IronGirl Half, later in April. That second one was not a good experience: the crowd, the busing situation, miscommunication with friends who were also running. I added about 15 minutes from my first half, and cried way harder when it was finished! It was an awful experience!
Nonetheless, I'll do it again. I signed up for the Blue Moon Half Marathon on 6 Nov. I'm only up to 5 miles so far (6 this coming weekend), but I'm confident that I'll be much stronger for this run. It would be nice if I could also be about 20 pounds lighter, but I'm working on that!
When I was almost finished with my two races, I began to look at the calendar again. Not for the next race, but to keep track of my cycle. However, it just wasn't meant to be. Darwyn found out his deployment dates and then went TDY for two weeks just before leaving. I think he might have been home one full week before deploying. Just enough time to celebrate our son's second birthday, oh, and mother's day, but not enough time in either month to have the option of making a baby :) Oh, well, deployment is almost over.
Besides the running, my latest passion is CrossFit. I recently discovered it while staying with my folks in IL this Summer during Darwyn's deployment. Thanks to CrossFit So Ill (www.crossfitsoill.com), I learned a good foundation in the 5 weeks I was working out with Emma and the crew. I think most of us have dabbled with lifting free weights or using weight machines, but I had never before had someone coach me on actual weight-lifting. It's so motivating and encouraging to see the progress that happens so quickly with lifting weights! In the time I was working out at So Ill, I lost a total of four inches! No pounds, but four inches! That alone is motivation to keep going!
It was especially nice to be able to go to the gym everyday and not think twice about what to do with my 2-yr-old. He stayed with Mimi and Papa while Mommy had some time to herself! It was AWESOME!
Coming back to Florida, gym access wasn't so simple. CrossFit St Pete (www.stpetecrossfit.com) is a little bit of a drive across town (more than from Mom & Dad's house to C'dale!). It's more expensive here ($100 compared to $62 in C'dale). And then there's the question of what to do with Levi. I interviewed several girls as possible caregivers, but when I learned the membership cost and also that Jay, the lead trainer/owner, would allow/encourage my bringing Levi to the gym, I made the leap. I decided to commit to the gym and drag Levi with me! It's been awesome! While some days it would obviously be simpler if I didn't have to drag Levi along (for his sake and mine), we make it work. He gets to run around for a while and then play with his trucks inside the baby fence, while Mommy gets a good workout. It's also good that he sees Mommy working out. Kids imitate their parents: if they witness a healthy lifestyle, they are more likely to imitate it.
So here I am, up to 5 miles in my running training. The 10k, which seems quite ominous right now, is coming up on Sept 11. I think I should get a new red/white/blue top to wear in honor of the date. I'm scheduled to run 6-miles this weekend. I'll feel better about the 10k after I've completed that distance again. I'm doing well with the weightlifting at CF. I had the women's #1 highest weight for Clean & Jerk this week! That's pretty awesome for only being at this gym for 3 weeks! I'm just now starting to dedicate more energy to my diet. I can work out all I want, but if I'm eating crap, then I won't lose any weight! I absolutely need to lose at least 20 pounds by the half marathon in Nov! Running is hard and slow right now with the extra weight. ugh!
Did I mention that I'm a Leader for La Leche League of Pinellas County and the Area Publications Coordinator for LLL of FL and the Caribbean Islands? Or that I was also recently elected President of my MOMS Club chapter? Well, more to come about that.
For now, I need my rest so I can stay busy and keep up with my workouts... and keep up with my son. Even more importantly, I better get some sleep before the Little Prince wakes up and wonders where Mommy is...
For the first time tonight is quite some time, Levi was asleep before 9.30p. For the first time is quite some time, I finally had some evening time to myself! I'm not quite sure why I relish this time so much or why I miss it so dreadfully when I don't get it, but I do. I get some time to myself during the day when he's napping, but I guess there's just something about knowing he'll wake up at any moment that is inhibiting. At night, I have at least until midnight before he stirs :)
So what have I to say that's been brewing over the past several months?
I admit that I had to take some time away from the rest of the world for several months after we suffered a second miscarriage last October. The first one was tragic and especially heart-wrenching especially because we lost our beloved Freckles on the same day we discovered we'd lost the baby.
There is awkward comfort however in the statistics of miscarriage. Most research shows that 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and that 30-50% of fertilized eggs are lost early enough that a period happens at about the expected time. Why? Most of the time there is no known cause. That is to say that 50-80% are considered to be "random." I'm not exactly sure what that means except to say that something was obviously not quite right and the baby didn't continue to develop. Sadly 60-70% of women miscarry at least once. All those numbers indicate that miscarriage is common and therefore "not a big deal." You'll have to excuse me for a moment because miscarriage is a friggin' big deal! You will recover, but you have to allow yourself to grieve and mourn. You lost a baby! It hurts! Your body feels broken when it's all said and done, but your heart is definitely broken, too.
I recovered from the first miscarriage fairly well, but the second was a very, serious blow to my person! I know the Lord doesn't allow us to deal with more than we can handle, and I know I'm a stronger person now with a sympathy to share with other women. I think I was as close to being clinically depressed as I've been in my entire life. I was basically just sad and had to deal with that. Thankfully, I have a loving family that propped me up during that time. We, fortunately, took our yearly deer hunting trip to IL just after our second loss. It was very important for me that I wasn't in my usual world but was away from FL and with my family. Levi continued to be my joy in dealing with such a loss.
I had to take time away from the way things had been and simply focus on me for a while. I didn't want to think about my cycle or how many normal cycles I'd had or when we could "try" again. I didn't even want to deal with anything baby. I had been in the middle or actually almost finished with my Application for La Leche League Leadership but had to take a few months away from even that before I was able to focus and write anything again. I took time and started running again. I signed up for a couple half-marathons to give me something to work toward. For a while, I even thought I might train for a full marathon. I just had to take a few months off.
I ran and ran and ran! I completed my first ever 15k race at Gasparilla in February. I completed my first half-marathon, Florida Beaches Halfathon, at Ft DeSoto on the 20th of March. It was hard but amazing! I finished my second half-marathon, the IronGirl Half, later in April. That second one was not a good experience: the crowd, the busing situation, miscommunication with friends who were also running. I added about 15 minutes from my first half, and cried way harder when it was finished! It was an awful experience!
Nonetheless, I'll do it again. I signed up for the Blue Moon Half Marathon on 6 Nov. I'm only up to 5 miles so far (6 this coming weekend), but I'm confident that I'll be much stronger for this run. It would be nice if I could also be about 20 pounds lighter, but I'm working on that!
When I was almost finished with my two races, I began to look at the calendar again. Not for the next race, but to keep track of my cycle. However, it just wasn't meant to be. Darwyn found out his deployment dates and then went TDY for two weeks just before leaving. I think he might have been home one full week before deploying. Just enough time to celebrate our son's second birthday, oh, and mother's day, but not enough time in either month to have the option of making a baby :) Oh, well, deployment is almost over.
Besides the running, my latest passion is CrossFit. I recently discovered it while staying with my folks in IL this Summer during Darwyn's deployment. Thanks to CrossFit So Ill (www.crossfitsoill.com), I learned a good foundation in the 5 weeks I was working out with Emma and the crew. I think most of us have dabbled with lifting free weights or using weight machines, but I had never before had someone coach me on actual weight-lifting. It's so motivating and encouraging to see the progress that happens so quickly with lifting weights! In the time I was working out at So Ill, I lost a total of four inches! No pounds, but four inches! That alone is motivation to keep going!
It was especially nice to be able to go to the gym everyday and not think twice about what to do with my 2-yr-old. He stayed with Mimi and Papa while Mommy had some time to herself! It was AWESOME!
Coming back to Florida, gym access wasn't so simple. CrossFit St Pete (www.stpetecrossfit.com) is a little bit of a drive across town (more than from Mom & Dad's house to C'dale!). It's more expensive here ($100 compared to $62 in C'dale). And then there's the question of what to do with Levi. I interviewed several girls as possible caregivers, but when I learned the membership cost and also that Jay, the lead trainer/owner, would allow/encourage my bringing Levi to the gym, I made the leap. I decided to commit to the gym and drag Levi with me! It's been awesome! While some days it would obviously be simpler if I didn't have to drag Levi along (for his sake and mine), we make it work. He gets to run around for a while and then play with his trucks inside the baby fence, while Mommy gets a good workout. It's also good that he sees Mommy working out. Kids imitate their parents: if they witness a healthy lifestyle, they are more likely to imitate it.
So here I am, up to 5 miles in my running training. The 10k, which seems quite ominous right now, is coming up on Sept 11. I think I should get a new red/white/blue top to wear in honor of the date. I'm scheduled to run 6-miles this weekend. I'll feel better about the 10k after I've completed that distance again. I'm doing well with the weightlifting at CF. I had the women's #1 highest weight for Clean & Jerk this week! That's pretty awesome for only being at this gym for 3 weeks! I'm just now starting to dedicate more energy to my diet. I can work out all I want, but if I'm eating crap, then I won't lose any weight! I absolutely need to lose at least 20 pounds by the half marathon in Nov! Running is hard and slow right now with the extra weight. ugh!
Did I mention that I'm a Leader for La Leche League of Pinellas County and the Area Publications Coordinator for LLL of FL and the Caribbean Islands? Or that I was also recently elected President of my MOMS Club chapter? Well, more to come about that.
For now, I need my rest so I can stay busy and keep up with my workouts... and keep up with my son. Even more importantly, I better get some sleep before the Little Prince wakes up and wonders where Mommy is...
Friday, July 23, 2010
first night out... without baby
Last night was the first night out for Darwyn and me. No, that isn't to say that we never leave the house; mores specifically, it was our first night out without Levi since Levi came into our life.
I was really nervous about leaving him even though he would be staying with a friend of mine who also has a toddler son (about 6-weeks younger than Levi). They've played together many times. There was no real reason to be nervous other than the simple fact that it was indeed the first time!
Some people say we should have time to ourselves more often. Well, I don't think Darwyn nor I are lacking from alone time. We take advantage of Levi's nap times or after he's gone to bed at night to have our few minutes together... to discuss things... or, well, whatever. I'm sure we could have a few sitters lined up to call at short notice, but frankly, we don't feel the need to go out of the house to have our alone time. If we want to go out to dinner for a change of pace... we do, and we take Levi with us. Levi is extremely well-behaved, and because he's so friendly with wait staff, his being with us probably makes the night out more enjoyable.
I know lots of other couples, parents of young children, who utilize sitters regularly. That is entirely their choice. I think it's great if they need to get out to enjoy their time together. I guess maybe it's because Darwyn and I really aren't the partying types, we're more like homebodies and therefore don't feel the need to go to the movies or bar or where ever it is that folks go. We would spend most of our time at home anyway... with or without the addition of Levi.
But about last night: Darwyn was officially inducted into the ranks of Senior Non-Commissioned Officers. He'd been in class all week... wearing his dress uniform and everything (he he)! I'm very proud of him and his friend Ryland for finally making it to this point in their Air Force careers. Congratulations!
I was honored to accompany my husband during this ceremony and lend him my uninterrupted attention for the night!
I guess what it all boils down to is that--without having Levi on my hip, I was able to devote my attention solely to my husband even if only for a few hours. I know he appreciated it because it certainly doesn't happen very often... not that I don't pay attention... but that I seldom am able to pay attention to him and only him. Toddlers have a way of demanding your attention :)
Oh, and my nervousness was, of course, all in vain. Cheryl said Levi and JB had fun playing and wearing each other out, and she enjoyed Levi's cuddliness when bedtime rolled around.
Congrats to Ryland and Darwyn and special thanks to Cheryl for making the evening possible. Our first night out was, I guess you can say, a success!!
I was really nervous about leaving him even though he would be staying with a friend of mine who also has a toddler son (about 6-weeks younger than Levi). They've played together many times. There was no real reason to be nervous other than the simple fact that it was indeed the first time!
Some people say we should have time to ourselves more often. Well, I don't think Darwyn nor I are lacking from alone time. We take advantage of Levi's nap times or after he's gone to bed at night to have our few minutes together... to discuss things... or, well, whatever. I'm sure we could have a few sitters lined up to call at short notice, but frankly, we don't feel the need to go out of the house to have our alone time. If we want to go out to dinner for a change of pace... we do, and we take Levi with us. Levi is extremely well-behaved, and because he's so friendly with wait staff, his being with us probably makes the night out more enjoyable.
I know lots of other couples, parents of young children, who utilize sitters regularly. That is entirely their choice. I think it's great if they need to get out to enjoy their time together. I guess maybe it's because Darwyn and I really aren't the partying types, we're more like homebodies and therefore don't feel the need to go to the movies or bar or where ever it is that folks go. We would spend most of our time at home anyway... with or without the addition of Levi.
But about last night: Darwyn was officially inducted into the ranks of Senior Non-Commissioned Officers. He'd been in class all week... wearing his dress uniform and everything (he he)! I'm very proud of him and his friend Ryland for finally making it to this point in their Air Force careers. Congratulations!
I was honored to accompany my husband during this ceremony and lend him my uninterrupted attention for the night!
I guess what it all boils down to is that--without having Levi on my hip, I was able to devote my attention solely to my husband even if only for a few hours. I know he appreciated it because it certainly doesn't happen very often... not that I don't pay attention... but that I seldom am able to pay attention to him and only him. Toddlers have a way of demanding your attention :)
Oh, and my nervousness was, of course, all in vain. Cheryl said Levi and JB had fun playing and wearing each other out, and she enjoyed Levi's cuddliness when bedtime rolled around.
Congrats to Ryland and Darwyn and special thanks to Cheryl for making the evening possible. Our first night out was, I guess you can say, a success!!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
it's the process of writing, not the words
I was just now taking advantage of a napping toddler to have a few minutes to myself. I've concluded that I should take a few minutes every day to write a few lines even if nothing more than to rejoice and say that I've made it through to live another day... to be Darwyn's wife... to be Levi's mom!
The life of a housewife is not usually very glamorous, but I've discovered in the past year since I resigned from my job, that the rewards for this life are FAR greater than the monetary benefits or accolades and recognition you get for your "job well done." I don't miss the commute to work nor the drama of office politics. As a household we miss the second income, but, even then, only a little. We're still comfortable and very happy... and far from starving! And the million little things that happen every day in the life of a mother (especially that of a newborn/toddler) are a million times more rewarding than all that other stuff!
As I sat down here this afternoon while Levi was sleeping, I took the time to re-read my post from June... the one about losing Freckles and the baby. Wow! I forget just how much catharsis there is in writing! I sat here sobbing as I read over the events of those few days. It's not that I forgot about any of the details, but I forget just how pointed my written word can be. It was in reading what I wrote a month ago that I was reminded just how much catharsis exists in the process of writing... the process of taking time to think... the process of allowing yourself those few moments to encompass all the emotions. In the moment of writing, the words themselves don't really matter that much, the meaning is in the process.
The words take on their meaning when you read them later.
Oh, there it is. The bell has rung! The timer is going off! I hear the cries of a toddler as he awakes from his nap.
And so my moment to myself is over...
for today.
The life of a housewife is not usually very glamorous, but I've discovered in the past year since I resigned from my job, that the rewards for this life are FAR greater than the monetary benefits or accolades and recognition you get for your "job well done." I don't miss the commute to work nor the drama of office politics. As a household we miss the second income, but, even then, only a little. We're still comfortable and very happy... and far from starving! And the million little things that happen every day in the life of a mother (especially that of a newborn/toddler) are a million times more rewarding than all that other stuff!
As I sat down here this afternoon while Levi was sleeping, I took the time to re-read my post from June... the one about losing Freckles and the baby. Wow! I forget just how much catharsis there is in writing! I sat here sobbing as I read over the events of those few days. It's not that I forgot about any of the details, but I forget just how pointed my written word can be. It was in reading what I wrote a month ago that I was reminded just how much catharsis exists in the process of writing... the process of taking time to think... the process of allowing yourself those few moments to encompass all the emotions. In the moment of writing, the words themselves don't really matter that much, the meaning is in the process.
The words take on their meaning when you read them later.
Oh, there it is. The bell has rung! The timer is going off! I hear the cries of a toddler as he awakes from his nap.
And so my moment to myself is over...
for today.
the longest week as Levi's mom
The best way to sum up this week is to say thank God we're still breastfeeding because it's been his only sustenance! Poor kid. Not to mention poor mom and dad.
What started out as a runny nose then settled into a cough eventually turned into diarrhea and vomiting. ugh! Levi got a cold that his cousins were nice enough to share with him while we were in IL. It was the usual stuff: stuffy/runny nose and a little cough... and of course, not sleeping well. That went on for a few days while in IL.
The drive back to FL on Wed, 30 Jun, started off well enough. Levi seemed to be feeling better, at least had slept better that night. Was sleeping well on the trip when somewhere in South Georgia, we stopped for gas. I took the time to give Levi a break from his car seat and nurse. As soon as he sat up, he threw up all over me, himself, the truck... poor guy. It was a mess! Of course, we both had to change clothes inside the gas station bathroom.
He was fine the rest of the trip, no trouble eating. And was fine the next couple days. The diarrhea started Friday evening then hit full force on Sat. At least it wasn't in cloth diapers! That would have been much worse.
Sunday morning, I was so proud that he was eating all the stuff on the BRAT diet for diarrhea... then up it all came! All over him, the chair, the floor... oh boy! That was the beginning of the end. He couldn't really eat much of anything except a few crackers or cheerios here and there. He was able to nurse pretty well most of the time, but was still throwing up every now and then. So it settled into the routine of vomiting between 1 and 3 a.m. every morning (if not more than once...) and having diarrhea during the day.
Poor guy.
Again, thank God for breastfeeding because it was pretty much his only sustenance. And I'm sure it was a great comfort to snuggle with Mommy when you're not feeling well :)
Forgot to mention that we'd gone to see the pediatrician on Monday. He gave us some meds for the cough. But his advise was that as long as there was no fever with the vomiting/diarrhea, you'd have to just let the virus run it course... and keep the baby hydrated.
The nastiness lasted a full week. The following Saturday was his first non-diarrhea diaper (not completely normal but better); and Sat night was the first night without throwing up! YAY! There was much rejoicing in the Lowery house that day!!
The next problem to deal with was the poor thing wanting to eat everything in sight! I couldn't keep enough food in front of him for those first couple days. I also felt like I didn't have enough milk to satisfy him since he wanted to stay latched on all night long.
It was exhausting for all of us!!
Oh, and did I mention the laundry...
What started out as a runny nose then settled into a cough eventually turned into diarrhea and vomiting. ugh! Levi got a cold that his cousins were nice enough to share with him while we were in IL. It was the usual stuff: stuffy/runny nose and a little cough... and of course, not sleeping well. That went on for a few days while in IL.
The drive back to FL on Wed, 30 Jun, started off well enough. Levi seemed to be feeling better, at least had slept better that night. Was sleeping well on the trip when somewhere in South Georgia, we stopped for gas. I took the time to give Levi a break from his car seat and nurse. As soon as he sat up, he threw up all over me, himself, the truck... poor guy. It was a mess! Of course, we both had to change clothes inside the gas station bathroom.
He was fine the rest of the trip, no trouble eating. And was fine the next couple days. The diarrhea started Friday evening then hit full force on Sat. At least it wasn't in cloth diapers! That would have been much worse.
Sunday morning, I was so proud that he was eating all the stuff on the BRAT diet for diarrhea... then up it all came! All over him, the chair, the floor... oh boy! That was the beginning of the end. He couldn't really eat much of anything except a few crackers or cheerios here and there. He was able to nurse pretty well most of the time, but was still throwing up every now and then. So it settled into the routine of vomiting between 1 and 3 a.m. every morning (if not more than once...) and having diarrhea during the day.
Poor guy.
Again, thank God for breastfeeding because it was pretty much his only sustenance. And I'm sure it was a great comfort to snuggle with Mommy when you're not feeling well :)
Forgot to mention that we'd gone to see the pediatrician on Monday. He gave us some meds for the cough. But his advise was that as long as there was no fever with the vomiting/diarrhea, you'd have to just let the virus run it course... and keep the baby hydrated.
The nastiness lasted a full week. The following Saturday was his first non-diarrhea diaper (not completely normal but better); and Sat night was the first night without throwing up! YAY! There was much rejoicing in the Lowery house that day!!
The next problem to deal with was the poor thing wanting to eat everything in sight! I couldn't keep enough food in front of him for those first couple days. I also felt like I didn't have enough milk to satisfy him since he wanted to stay latched on all night long.
It was exhausting for all of us!!
Oh, and did I mention the laundry...
Friday, July 16, 2010
About pregnancy loss
This post is written for inlusion in the Pregnancy Loss Week Blog Carnival. Please join us at Fertility Flower for the week of August 23-27, 2010 where we will be featuring articles, posts and artwork about pregnancy loss.
How did the loss of a pregnancy(ies) change you as a mother to your living or future children?
The loss of my second pregnancy just 5 weeks ago (on the same day we lost our 12-yr-old dog) made me appreciate how quickly a mother and father can bond with their unborn baby. It also made me that much more thankful for the joy that my 14-mo-old son brings to my life! He was absolutely what kept us laughing and kept us sane during what could have been a very depressing time. We want to get pregnant again and are hoping it happens in the next few months, but I have to say that experiencing a miscarriage causes you to wonder about your body and whether you're still capable of carrying a baby to term.
What actions did you take to memorialize the lost child/children?
The child we will never know hsa been memorialized with a charm bracelet for me and a dog-tag necklace for my husband. I included our son's birthday on one charm/tag and the date of our loss on the second. It was my husband's father's day gift this year (the loss was only a week prior). Also I figure we can add more charms/tags if we have more children. :)
Even though we move on with our lives, the loss of that baby will always leave an empty space. We may go an to have more children, but none will ever replace the one who was lost.
How did the loss of a pregnancy(ies) change you as a mother to your living or future children?
The loss of my second pregnancy just 5 weeks ago (on the same day we lost our 12-yr-old dog) made me appreciate how quickly a mother and father can bond with their unborn baby. It also made me that much more thankful for the joy that my 14-mo-old son brings to my life! He was absolutely what kept us laughing and kept us sane during what could have been a very depressing time. We want to get pregnant again and are hoping it happens in the next few months, but I have to say that experiencing a miscarriage causes you to wonder about your body and whether you're still capable of carrying a baby to term.
What actions did you take to memorialize the lost child/children?
The child we will never know hsa been memorialized with a charm bracelet for me and a dog-tag necklace for my husband. I included our son's birthday on one charm/tag and the date of our loss on the second. It was my husband's father's day gift this year (the loss was only a week prior). Also I figure we can add more charms/tags if we have more children. :)
Even though we move on with our lives, the loss of that baby will always leave an empty space. We may go an to have more children, but none will ever replace the one who was lost.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Death is painful... for the rest of us.
Loss of a loved one is painful no matter how it happens. Death is just one of those aspects of life that's really difficult to deal with. We try to get our brains to logically understand and our hearts to let go, but it is painful.
We lost our dog Freckles last Monday. He'd been my faithful companion for 12 years. We'd been through so many life events/transitions together. He saw me through grad school... USAF training, deployments, PCSs... boyfriends... marriage... pregnancy and into motherhood. It was difficult watching him slow with age. But he stayed right by my side til the very end. My husband and I cried together as we watched him that last night as he lay dying on the front lawn. We managed to get him back inside the house, and said our good-byes. We didn't expect to see him in the morning. But he was still there... barely breathing. Darwyn said he didn't wag his tail or anything as he left for work that morning, but he recognized me and greeted me with a wag that final morning.
We'd already made the decision to put an end to his suffering. That morning as I was getting Levi his breakfast, I was frantically making arrangements on the phone. I was sick to my stomach. Trying to figure out exactly how I was going to carry him from the back patio all the way around the house into the car... ugh. As I had the car running with Levi fastened into his carseat, I made one last trip into the house to get Freckles. It was the most horrible sound I'd ever heard! That mournful, gasping, final breath. I was pretty sure I wouldn't see him breathing as I approached. As I bent to touch him, I was almost certain his torso was still. But no matter how much you've thought it through, nothing can really prepare you for what it feels like to touch a lifeless body.
If Levi hadn't been sitting in the car, I probably would have simply collapsed into a heap on the floor next to my now lifeless dog. But I managed to pick myself back up as I sobbed and sobbed. Death hurts. We'd been expecting it, but you're never really ready. We'd been watching him slowly dying over the past several days, but it still hit me much harder than I'd anticipated. I just lost my friend and member of the family. It was very sad.
I tried to busy myself with activity outside the house. I just couldn't be in the house with the dog's lifeless body still lying there on the back porch. I made it to my bi-weekly chiropractor visit. While I knew it wouldn't take away all the pain, she did make me feel a little better... at least more relaxed. By then I was accepting Freckles' death more and more. Levi and I went to visit my friend Susie and her daughter Keira. Again, more excused to not be home. Oh, did I mention that on the way to the chiropractor's office I put a call into my midwife's nurse letting them know I'd been spotting for a couple days and wasn't sure if I should be concerned or not. So, while I was watching my son splash in the kiddie pool with his friend Keira, I got a call back from the nurse. After relaying the "spotting" details to her from the previous couple of days, she insisted I come in to just make sure everything was okay.
That afternoon, I headed to the midwife's office for a check-up. Initially, she tells me that everything looks fine (cervix was closed). All my bloodwork from two weeks prior looked good, everything was normal. She sent me back to the waiting room to wait for the ultrasound technician. An ultrasound was the only way to make sure everything was okay. Everything wasn't okay. Darwyn finally met up with me in the waiting room. Poor guy! I'd tried to get in touch with him during the day to catch him up on the day's events. I'd forgotten he would be away from the phone all day. He finally called me as I was in the exam room waiting for the exam. It was only then that I was able to let him know why I was even at the midwife's office in the first place. You see, since we'd been dealing with Freckles dying the night before, I hadn't had a chance to tell him about the spotting. And I didn't really get concerned about it until it was still happening that morning (when he was away from the phone and the nurse insisted I come in for a check-up).
I'm so glad he was able to be with me for the ultrasound. I was so nervous. I couldn't wait to see the baby and hear her say that everything was okay. Well, like I already said, everything wasn't okay. She asked how far along I was; I was 10 weeks pregnant. She said my uterus measured only 8 weeks, and while she hated to be the one to tell me, there was no baby... it was only an empty sack.
I felt like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest. I looked up at Darwyn who while holding Levi was also teary-eyed. At that point I was so numb, I don't think I could feel anything. I'd already cried so much and been accepting the death of my dog, I didn't know what else to feel with the death of my child.
As somber as it was for Darwyn and me that evening at home, we still had to deal with the body of a dead dog, and our 13-month-old toddler who demanded so much attention. Thank God, he demanded so much of our attention! He kept us laughing and helped keep us sane. We still had to grieve, and we still have our moments, but by still having to meet the needs of our toddler son, our grief has had to be more controlled. The Lord knows what we can handle.
Darwyn contacted his work to let them know he wouldn't be coming in the next day. Thank God he had that much foresight. That next day was awful! While we'd already been told there was no baby, we'd had some opportunity to deal with that concept mentally and emotionally. The next day we took Freckles to SPCA for cremation. We'll take his ashes back home to IL where he spent probably half (if not more) of his life. On the way home, we stopped at the grocery store. I wanted to take advantage of having Darwyn's help at the grocery :) The cramping started while walking through Publix.
Dealing with the physical pain of the miscarriage was miserable. But I'm so thankful that we already knew about it the day before rather than learning of it via the physical pain. I'm so thankful that Darwyn stayed home that day. I'm so very thankful for Levi.
Death is painful for the rest of us, for those who are left behind. Yeah, Freckles was with me for 12 years, and I because he was so much a part of almost every aspect of our lives, we will miss him for a long time. I still hear things that sound like him or his collar. But the loss of a child is something that no parent should ever have to deal with. I am glad it happened early in the pregnancy and that we hadn't yet seen the baby via ultrasound, we didn't know boy or girl, no name was picked out, no modifications had yet been done to the house, no money had yet been spent on a double stroller. But I still cry whenever I can sit still long enough to think about the child I will never know. While the physical part is over and I'm on the road to recovery, it still hurts. I still feel the pain of that loss. I know we'll finally know our child when we're all made whole again in heaven, but for now, it hurts. I know the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle, but it sure feels like it sometimes!
Part of me wants to get a new puppy to help fill the void left by the loss of Freckles. Part of me says I should give our family some time to recover. Part of me wants to get pregnant again right away to prove everything is physically okay with me and to help fill the void of the miscarriage. Part of me says I should give my body more time to heal and and our family more time to recover.
It's sad and painful. Time doesn't make the hurt go away but makes it easier to deal with. I couldn't believe after losing a dog and a baby in the same day I was still breathing at the end of that day. But we were still breathing, after we cried together. Now a week later, my husband says it's easier this week to respond to the "how's the baby" questions than it was last week. Poor guy. I put it on FB to avoid those interactions, but I'm not "friends" with his co-workers. It's been a very difficult week. The sort of pain I wouldn't wish on anyone. Thank God for Levi!!
We lost our dog Freckles last Monday. He'd been my faithful companion for 12 years. We'd been through so many life events/transitions together. He saw me through grad school... USAF training, deployments, PCSs... boyfriends... marriage... pregnancy and into motherhood. It was difficult watching him slow with age. But he stayed right by my side til the very end. My husband and I cried together as we watched him that last night as he lay dying on the front lawn. We managed to get him back inside the house, and said our good-byes. We didn't expect to see him in the morning. But he was still there... barely breathing. Darwyn said he didn't wag his tail or anything as he left for work that morning, but he recognized me and greeted me with a wag that final morning.
We'd already made the decision to put an end to his suffering. That morning as I was getting Levi his breakfast, I was frantically making arrangements on the phone. I was sick to my stomach. Trying to figure out exactly how I was going to carry him from the back patio all the way around the house into the car... ugh. As I had the car running with Levi fastened into his carseat, I made one last trip into the house to get Freckles. It was the most horrible sound I'd ever heard! That mournful, gasping, final breath. I was pretty sure I wouldn't see him breathing as I approached. As I bent to touch him, I was almost certain his torso was still. But no matter how much you've thought it through, nothing can really prepare you for what it feels like to touch a lifeless body.
If Levi hadn't been sitting in the car, I probably would have simply collapsed into a heap on the floor next to my now lifeless dog. But I managed to pick myself back up as I sobbed and sobbed. Death hurts. We'd been expecting it, but you're never really ready. We'd been watching him slowly dying over the past several days, but it still hit me much harder than I'd anticipated. I just lost my friend and member of the family. It was very sad.
I tried to busy myself with activity outside the house. I just couldn't be in the house with the dog's lifeless body still lying there on the back porch. I made it to my bi-weekly chiropractor visit. While I knew it wouldn't take away all the pain, she did make me feel a little better... at least more relaxed. By then I was accepting Freckles' death more and more. Levi and I went to visit my friend Susie and her daughter Keira. Again, more excused to not be home. Oh, did I mention that on the way to the chiropractor's office I put a call into my midwife's nurse letting them know I'd been spotting for a couple days and wasn't sure if I should be concerned or not. So, while I was watching my son splash in the kiddie pool with his friend Keira, I got a call back from the nurse. After relaying the "spotting" details to her from the previous couple of days, she insisted I come in to just make sure everything was okay.
That afternoon, I headed to the midwife's office for a check-up. Initially, she tells me that everything looks fine (cervix was closed). All my bloodwork from two weeks prior looked good, everything was normal. She sent me back to the waiting room to wait for the ultrasound technician. An ultrasound was the only way to make sure everything was okay. Everything wasn't okay. Darwyn finally met up with me in the waiting room. Poor guy! I'd tried to get in touch with him during the day to catch him up on the day's events. I'd forgotten he would be away from the phone all day. He finally called me as I was in the exam room waiting for the exam. It was only then that I was able to let him know why I was even at the midwife's office in the first place. You see, since we'd been dealing with Freckles dying the night before, I hadn't had a chance to tell him about the spotting. And I didn't really get concerned about it until it was still happening that morning (when he was away from the phone and the nurse insisted I come in for a check-up).
I'm so glad he was able to be with me for the ultrasound. I was so nervous. I couldn't wait to see the baby and hear her say that everything was okay. Well, like I already said, everything wasn't okay. She asked how far along I was; I was 10 weeks pregnant. She said my uterus measured only 8 weeks, and while she hated to be the one to tell me, there was no baby... it was only an empty sack.
I felt like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest. I looked up at Darwyn who while holding Levi was also teary-eyed. At that point I was so numb, I don't think I could feel anything. I'd already cried so much and been accepting the death of my dog, I didn't know what else to feel with the death of my child.
As somber as it was for Darwyn and me that evening at home, we still had to deal with the body of a dead dog, and our 13-month-old toddler who demanded so much attention. Thank God, he demanded so much of our attention! He kept us laughing and helped keep us sane. We still had to grieve, and we still have our moments, but by still having to meet the needs of our toddler son, our grief has had to be more controlled. The Lord knows what we can handle.
Darwyn contacted his work to let them know he wouldn't be coming in the next day. Thank God he had that much foresight. That next day was awful! While we'd already been told there was no baby, we'd had some opportunity to deal with that concept mentally and emotionally. The next day we took Freckles to SPCA for cremation. We'll take his ashes back home to IL where he spent probably half (if not more) of his life. On the way home, we stopped at the grocery store. I wanted to take advantage of having Darwyn's help at the grocery :) The cramping started while walking through Publix.
Dealing with the physical pain of the miscarriage was miserable. But I'm so thankful that we already knew about it the day before rather than learning of it via the physical pain. I'm so thankful that Darwyn stayed home that day. I'm so very thankful for Levi.
Death is painful for the rest of us, for those who are left behind. Yeah, Freckles was with me for 12 years, and I because he was so much a part of almost every aspect of our lives, we will miss him for a long time. I still hear things that sound like him or his collar. But the loss of a child is something that no parent should ever have to deal with. I am glad it happened early in the pregnancy and that we hadn't yet seen the baby via ultrasound, we didn't know boy or girl, no name was picked out, no modifications had yet been done to the house, no money had yet been spent on a double stroller. But I still cry whenever I can sit still long enough to think about the child I will never know. While the physical part is over and I'm on the road to recovery, it still hurts. I still feel the pain of that loss. I know we'll finally know our child when we're all made whole again in heaven, but for now, it hurts. I know the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle, but it sure feels like it sometimes!
Part of me wants to get a new puppy to help fill the void left by the loss of Freckles. Part of me says I should give our family some time to recover. Part of me wants to get pregnant again right away to prove everything is physically okay with me and to help fill the void of the miscarriage. Part of me says I should give my body more time to heal and and our family more time to recover.
It's sad and painful. Time doesn't make the hurt go away but makes it easier to deal with. I couldn't believe after losing a dog and a baby in the same day I was still breathing at the end of that day. But we were still breathing, after we cried together. Now a week later, my husband says it's easier this week to respond to the "how's the baby" questions than it was last week. Poor guy. I put it on FB to avoid those interactions, but I'm not "friends" with his co-workers. It's been a very difficult week. The sort of pain I wouldn't wish on anyone. Thank God for Levi!!
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