I can't believe it's been a year since my last post. That's actually rather sad. There's been so much that I could have written about. Nonetheless, here I am... finally.
For the first time tonight is quite some time, Levi was asleep before 9.30p. For the first time is quite some time, I finally had some evening time to myself! I'm not quite sure why I relish this time so much or why I miss it so dreadfully when I don't get it, but I do. I get some time to myself during the day when he's napping, but I guess there's just something about knowing he'll wake up at any moment that is inhibiting. At night, I have at least until midnight before he stirs :)
So what have I to say that's been brewing over the past several months?
I admit that I had to take some time away from the rest of the world for several months after we suffered a second miscarriage last October. The first one was tragic and especially heart-wrenching especially because we lost our beloved Freckles on the same day we discovered we'd lost the baby.
There is awkward comfort however in the statistics of miscarriage. Most research shows that 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and that 30-50% of fertilized eggs are lost early enough that a period happens at about the expected time. Why? Most of the time there is no known cause. That is to say that 50-80% are considered to be "random." I'm not exactly sure what that means except to say that something was obviously not quite right and the baby didn't continue to develop. Sadly 60-70% of women miscarry at least once. All those numbers indicate that miscarriage is common and therefore "not a big deal." You'll have to excuse me for a moment because miscarriage is a friggin' big deal! You will recover, but you have to allow yourself to grieve and mourn. You lost a baby! It hurts! Your body feels broken when it's all said and done, but your heart is definitely broken, too.
I recovered from the first miscarriage fairly well, but the second was a very, serious blow to my person! I know the Lord doesn't allow us to deal with more than we can handle, and I know I'm a stronger person now with a sympathy to share with other women. I think I was as close to being clinically depressed as I've been in my entire life. I was basically just sad and had to deal with that. Thankfully, I have a loving family that propped me up during that time. We, fortunately, took our yearly deer hunting trip to IL just after our second loss. It was very important for me that I wasn't in my usual world but was away from FL and with my family. Levi continued to be my joy in dealing with such a loss.
I had to take time away from the way things had been and simply focus on me for a while. I didn't want to think about my cycle or how many normal cycles I'd had or when we could "try" again. I didn't even want to deal with anything baby. I had been in the middle or actually almost finished with my Application for La Leche League Leadership but had to take a few months away from even that before I was able to focus and write anything again. I took time and started running again. I signed up for a couple half-marathons to give me something to work toward. For a while, I even thought I might train for a full marathon. I just had to take a few months off.
I ran and ran and ran! I completed my first ever 15k race at Gasparilla in February. I completed my first half-marathon, Florida Beaches Halfathon, at Ft DeSoto on the 20th of March. It was hard but amazing! I finished my second half-marathon, the IronGirl Half, later in April. That second one was not a good experience: the crowd, the busing situation, miscommunication with friends who were also running. I added about 15 minutes from my first half, and cried way harder when it was finished! It was an awful experience!
Nonetheless, I'll do it again. I signed up for the Blue Moon Half Marathon on 6 Nov. I'm only up to 5 miles so far (6 this coming weekend), but I'm confident that I'll be much stronger for this run. It would be nice if I could also be about 20 pounds lighter, but I'm working on that!
When I was almost finished with my two races, I began to look at the calendar again. Not for the next race, but to keep track of my cycle. However, it just wasn't meant to be. Darwyn found out his deployment dates and then went TDY for two weeks just before leaving. I think he might have been home one full week before deploying. Just enough time to celebrate our son's second birthday, oh, and mother's day, but not enough time in either month to have the option of making a baby :) Oh, well, deployment is almost over.
Besides the running, my latest passion is CrossFit. I recently discovered it while staying with my folks in IL this Summer during Darwyn's deployment. Thanks to CrossFit So Ill (www.crossfitsoill.com), I learned a good foundation in the 5 weeks I was working out with Emma and the crew. I think most of us have dabbled with lifting free weights or using weight machines, but I had never before had someone coach me on actual weight-lifting. It's so motivating and encouraging to see the progress that happens so quickly with lifting weights! In the time I was working out at So Ill, I lost a total of four inches! No pounds, but four inches! That alone is motivation to keep going!
It was especially nice to be able to go to the gym everyday and not think twice about what to do with my 2-yr-old. He stayed with Mimi and Papa while Mommy had some time to herself! It was AWESOME!
Coming back to Florida, gym access wasn't so simple. CrossFit St Pete (www.stpetecrossfit.com) is a little bit of a drive across town (more than from Mom & Dad's house to C'dale!). It's more expensive here ($100 compared to $62 in C'dale). And then there's the question of what to do with Levi. I interviewed several girls as possible caregivers, but when I learned the membership cost and also that Jay, the lead trainer/owner, would allow/encourage my bringing Levi to the gym, I made the leap. I decided to commit to the gym and drag Levi with me! It's been awesome! While some days it would obviously be simpler if I didn't have to drag Levi along (for his sake and mine), we make it work. He gets to run around for a while and then play with his trucks inside the baby fence, while Mommy gets a good workout. It's also good that he sees Mommy working out. Kids imitate their parents: if they witness a healthy lifestyle, they are more likely to imitate it.
So here I am, up to 5 miles in my running training. The 10k, which seems quite ominous right now, is coming up on Sept 11. I think I should get a new red/white/blue top to wear in honor of the date. I'm scheduled to run 6-miles this weekend. I'll feel better about the 10k after I've completed that distance again. I'm doing well with the weightlifting at CF. I had the women's #1 highest weight for Clean & Jerk this week! That's pretty awesome for only being at this gym for 3 weeks! I'm just now starting to dedicate more energy to my diet. I can work out all I want, but if I'm eating crap, then I won't lose any weight! I absolutely need to lose at least 20 pounds by the half marathon in Nov! Running is hard and slow right now with the extra weight. ugh!
Did I mention that I'm a Leader for La Leche League of Pinellas County and the Area Publications Coordinator for LLL of FL and the Caribbean Islands? Or that I was also recently elected President of my MOMS Club chapter? Well, more to come about that.
For now, I need my rest so I can stay busy and keep up with my workouts... and keep up with my son. Even more importantly, I better get some sleep before the Little Prince wakes up and wonders where Mommy is...
